Walk Like a Duck, Drink Like a Fish, Dance Like a Monkey, Die like a (Wo)Man

Their Leader was bold, wise, fierce as a cosmic nova. He accused us of stealing his "chords" and then punched our navigator in the nether regions with ringed fist. Most fascinating.

Captain Heartlock's Midweek Blog. Stardate: February 2010.

We've come across new alien lifeforms. They're vibrating and...wild. Their strange
customs intrigue, nay, TITILLATE. Must investigate...further...Uhura: Zip up your Boots and set phasers for FREAK!

WEDNESDAY, February 24

The bimonthly homage-rock party COPYCAT at OTTO'S SHRUNKEN HEAD has yet another winner tonight with a tribute to the real fucking king of rock and roll, CHUCK BERRY. Doing honors are the scuzzy glammer punks THE DIRTY SHAMES, the slickers of CHARLIE and the CRYBABIES and an all-star band THE NADINES, which features members of MAD JUANA, LOVE PIRATES and THE BOWERY BOYS. Host and Impresario DJ XEROX is joined by none other than the Boogaloo Omnibus PHAST PHREDDIE. Duck walk over to 14th and Ave. B for zero dollars cover and cheap tasty strong drinks.

Still in the City? Check out Jungle Jim, currently of my new fave evil creep-garage band Twin Guns is Djing in the Lower East side at ST. JEROME on 155 Rivington. It's Jungle Jim's Dance Party! He promises "lots of Mersey Beat, Rhythm & Blues, 60's Garage,Psych, Glam and Soul!!" and I am inclined to believe him. No cover! Should kick off around 10 till close...

But wait, there's more for city folks, in the form of Wednesday institutions MR. FINE WINE at Botanica's and NEW YORK NIGHT TRAIN with Jonathan Toubin at Motor City, but of course!

But wait, there's more! Fuck the city, you say? Your call. But a BIG tip of the hat to a new party in Williamsburg: SAND - Obscure Garage Rock & Finer Grades of Nuggest and Pebbles at The Cove, 108 N. 6th btw. Berry and Whythe - Dave A. and Matt Robson (of shimmer psych band THE HIDDEN RATIO) provide the aforementioned styles of tunes, psychedelic light and video projections and the promise to reclaim the spot formerly known as HUGGS (BLECCCH!) from the douche race (I wish them Good Luck - the place went from cheesey hipster dive to unpopulated gay bar to closed for renovation in light speed)! This will be a bi-monthly party on the 2nd and 4th Wednesdays. Godspeed, good sirs.
THURSDAY February 25th

If you don't know now you know - the real big to-do tonight is Detroit's finest, THE DIRTBOMBS, with the Loco Borricua GaragePunk sensations DAVILLA 666 at THE KNITTING FACTORY. The show's supposed to be free, but if you haven't already RSVPed for this who knows what your chances are. But! You can always hang out at the (very VERY cool) bar on the other side of the joint and peer through the glass window to the live room while eating tasty little samosas and throwing back Tecate...how I love that place and how Brooklyn needed it.

Over at DON PEDRO, where I left part of my brains last weekend, call if you find it, there'll be a whole lot of jingle jangle tremolo rolling through when THE GIRLS at DAWN, with their cute, charming girl-group harmonies and druggy guitars, and THE BEETS with their neo-doo-wop stomp and dirge. They're joined by THE PEACE KILLERS and it's rumored that Davilla 666 MAY just show up late night style for a secret performance - but don't take it from me. Take it from MySpace! HA HA HA HA, what's that?

Over in the City, smiling DAVE READY of SORCERESS is guest Djing for The NYC Rolling Stones Party, where they drop all kinds of known jams, obscurities, covers, inspirations and rip offs of the English band that, along with Captain America, Ronald Reagan, Ronald McDonald and Dr. Manhattan, helped defeat the Russians. This happens at Belmont Lounge, 117 E. 15th St.

Making a rare Thursday spinning appearance at the party he himself started at Enids in Greenpoint BK is Lord JONATHAN TOUBIN for the PUNK-Y THURSDAY THUMP. Danceable Garage and Punk (and if suckers can't dance to rock and roll that's THEIR problem!) is the order of the evening" what mystical wonders shall he extract from his magical case o' 45's? Oh the wonders of the world never cease to mystify, delight and terrify.

Be Good and Keep your Noses Clean, Babies!
Captain Heartlock OUT!

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Sunday, Monday, Tuesday: something to do (yay!)

This is why we do not mix music and football.

Sunday

I'm sure that some of you know that tonight is Superbowl XLIV. I knew that without looking up the number, thank you*. But here at GaragePunkNYC we don't officially care. We would, however, like to point out a few things:

• The Superbowl should be over by 11, meaning there's plenty of time to go out afterwards.
• Several of your favorite bars are showing the Superbowl (Bar Matchless comes right to mind) so your friends can just join you afterwards.
• The halftime show this year features The Who. Now, I'm not saying that they're exactly in their prime ("And now, a band which could have played Superbowl I..."), I'm just saying that if you have to hang out with your Superbowl-watching friends, you could do a lot worse (e.g. Justin Timberlake again).

After that nonsense has finished, consider heading on over to Union Pool where DJ Dave the Spazz spins in the front room from 10-midnight, followed by DJ Andy Maltz from midnight on spinning a mix of garage, rock-n-roll, oddities and rarities. Or catch DJs Cowboy Mark and Kyle M who are "bringing their funky love" to Coco66. No cover for either I do believe.

Monday

Big Thanks to the Glad All Over!!! Party for making Monday a night worth writing about. This week they're hosting a night of rock-n-roll with The Big Death Scene (formerly Scream and Scream Again), The Anabolics and The Dirty Shames over at 200 Orchard Fontana's in Manhattan. No cover.

In Brooklyn, The Reverend Vince Anderson brings his Love Choir and their gospel/soul sound to Union Pool. Late start (11pm), also no cover.

Tuesday

More free music, starting with a night of insane garage-punk with The Outta Controllers (which includes members of Stalkers and Ex-Humans and members of Ex-Humans), The Back CCs and Foster Care at Union Pool (which is seriously on a roll lately). Fans of funkier sounds can check out The London Souls with Hymns at Mercury Lounge, though this show is not free ($10).

Also tonight it is time for a very special Hot Dog!... because for once I know who's DJing. It's DJ Shimmy, Bobby Boulders (and presumably DJ Jumpy, who is the unofficial emcee of the evening). Also features 2-for-1 drinks, really good bar food, and no cover. Starts at 9:45 (can we just say 10 from now on, please?) Starts at 10 because I say so, dammit.

Marcus

* And here's how to remember: the Giants won Superbowl XLII two years ago. It was awesome.

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And so it begins...

The holiday season cometh... you know what that means. Past-their-prime bands dishing out ill-advised Christmas covers; whole groups on stage in baggy Santa outfits; Facebook event invites with terrible holiday puns-- you know the deal.

Still, there is relief: it comes in a bottle or a glass and costs between 3 and 7 dollars. We kid! (or not) -- actually there's just a bunch of stuff to do this weekend, so break out your coat (it's officially that time) and head out to one of these fine events.
TONIGHT (FRIDAY):

Starting off with Manhattan, there's the usual Smashed! Blocked! dj night at Beauty Bar on 14th with Josh Styles and crew. Free as always.

Over at Bowery Electric, the Victims (the US one!) and the Dirty Shames celebrates the former's new CD with the Jukebox Zero(e)s of Philadelphia. $8

Over at Home Sweet Home, we assume Toubin's got the usual thing going down. FREE

If you're uptown, stop in at Ding Dong Lounge where Linda Rizzo will be dishing out garage, punk, soul and more. FREE

And at Lakeside Lounge, catch a rare appearance of cannoli suckers Jimmy & the Wolfpack at eleven o'clock sharp. Free.

Over in Brooklyn, the ABC Rebel Night crew bring their rockabilly party to Greenpoint's Warsaw on Driggs Ave. Free; and Whooping Crane, Sorceress and a couple of other bands are at "Upper" Greenpoint's CoCo 66 where there is a $5 cover.

SATURDAY:

Looks like a rainy one. Hopefully that won't stop you from heading over to Bowery Ballroom for the great El Vez (the "Mexican Elvis") and his Elvettes doing what ought to be one of the better Christmas shows of the season, supported by surfsters Los Straitjackets. $?

You could also find shelter with more surf at Unsteady Freddie's Surf Nite @ Otto's. It's a FREE country baby.

Over in Brooklyn, the guitar-heavy Humbolt Fog are at Don Pedro with Radio America (and others). $5; at Glasslands, it's New York Night Train's holiday party with (you guessed it!) the Stalkers and the Beets. also $5; but in case $5 is too rich for your blood and/or you just wanna dance, dance, dance, head over to Huckleberry for Jumpy's Soul-A-Go-Go featuring guest DJ Phast Phreddie. It's free like the wind. Ride it!

SUNDAY:

Johnny Chan & the New Dynasty Six return to Arlene's Grocery. No idea on time for this one, but "I Hate You Baby" has been stuck in my head for days. That's a good thing.

As always, there will be good DJs in the front room at Union Pool. Also free.

See you soon lovers!
SHIMMY

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High Summer in New York

Jimmy & The Wolfpack reappear this Saturday in Brooklyn
We have little left to say about the weather, 'cuz it's just about perfect! So step on out and dig these fine events this weekend:
TONIGHT (Friday):

Live:
Palmyra Delran solo @ Arlene's Grocery at 8 Sharp.

DJ/dance parties:
DJs Emma Vikingskull and Kymber Lee of Jadewalkers at Double Down Saloon in Manhattan. FREE.

BARF-O-RAMA! Dylan Otto with special guests Captain Heartlock & Jumpy @ K&M Bar in Williamsburg. FREE.

Cowboy Mark & Miss Mary doing 50's 60's RnB/Garage at Diamond Bar in upper Greenpoint.

SATURDAY:

Live:
The Dirty Shames, Anabolics, Get Set, and a rare appearance by Jimmy & The Wolfpack at Rockstar Bar next to the Williamsburg Bridge. $5.

The Choke with ATL hardcorists Bukkake Boys at Don Pedro in Brooklyn. $?

The Electric Mess, Sorceress and DJs at Local 269 on E. Houston St. in Manhattan. $?

The Friggs, Jesse Bates & His Flying Guitars (members of Fleshtones) and the Vondells @ Union Hall, Park Slope. $8.

DJ/dance parties:
Jumpy & Girlsoul DJ Soul-a-Go-Go @ Huckleberry on the South Side of Williamsburg. FREE.

DJs Fine Wine, Young Chris @ the last ever Bumpshop! Funk/Soul/Boogaloo night at fancy APT in the West Village ($10 cover or guestlist?)

SUNDAY:

Andy Maltz & Dave the Spazz as always at Union Pool. FREE.

enjoy the sun!
SHIMMY

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Itchin' to get out of the house...

... or apartment or closet or cardboard box? We got what you need right here!

No, not affordable housing, although Shimmy just moved so we may have some extra cardboard boxes. What we have for you is somewhere for you to go and something for you to do which doesn't involve waiting for your roommates to finish using the toilet.

Monday

New York garage-punks Vivian Girls headline a show at the Bowery Ballroom. It's their last show before kicking off the international part of their tour, so catch 'em while you can! They will be joined by the distortion masters of Times New Viking, who by the way are also headlining at Market Hotel on Sunday May 10th. Sounds like a nice place to hang out, no?

You might also want to check out Captain Heartlock and Professor Z as they spin Garage and Soul at the Monday Night Burlesque at Public Assembly. Just remember, if anyone asks, you're there for the articles (and not the kind which will be removed as the night goes on).

Tuesday

Head on down to Bowery Electric to catch garage-rockers Dirty Shames, 60's-style rock-n-rollers Love Pirates, and punks-with-actual-talent Modern Kicks. It's a night of rock and roll and drinking your friends under the table. Guest DJ Kymber Lee of The Jadewalkers (who are playing a great show on Saturday... stay tuned!) keeps your head banging and steals your friends' wallets. If you know damn well that The Stones are better than The Beatles then this is the show for you.

If you'd rather boogie on down then check out Hot Dog! at Bar Matchless. No cover, 2-for-1 drinks and R&B, Garage Rock, Soul and 60s sounds. Or if you prefer Soul, Funk and Latin music then check out Lost & Found at Savalas.

Wednesday

K&M in Brooklyn hosts the glam-blues sounds of Sorceress and the blues-rock stylings of Daddy Long Legs (the band voted "Most Likely To Change Their Name Any Time Now Please" by Marcus of GaragePunkNYC). Somebody named "Glam/Heavy Rock" DJs.

If ya' got ants in your pants* and you're all outta Raid then check out Mr. Fine Wine as he returns to spin Soul music at Botanica. Not your thing? New York Night Train and their weekly guest DJs will spin Punk and Garage rock at the fine and upstanding establishment known as Motor City Bar.

Thursday

Love City (who obviously ain't talking about NYC) and The Choke (thaaaat's more like it) come together for a night of punk-flavored rock music at Glasslands Gallery. They will be joined by Pop. 1280 and DJ Nick Gazin.

Tonight there is absolutely nowhere for you to go and dance. Okay seriously, if you wanna dance give Boogaloo Shampoo (the "Soul dance galore") at Beauty Bar a try, or head on over to Thursday Night Thump at Enids for punk, glam and psych rock.

*Better than having bedbugs on your butt.

We apologize in advance for the nightmares you will be having tonight...

Marcus

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