There’s a goodly amount of things to do and see this weekend including some unusual parties so pay special attention, take notes, memorize locations and times and then promptly forget them when you get out of the subway tonight after work. Then just head for the nearest whiskey bar and drink away the confusion.

TONIGHT (FRIDAY):

If you happen to be lucky enough to own a scooter, join the scooter rally festivities this weekend. It’s part of the 5th annual Scooter Block Party thingy. You can start early today by meeting up with other Scooter nerds at Mccarren Motors in Greenpoint between Dobbin and Nassau (across the street from that weird concrete parkwhere all the old Polish people sit and light candles for a priest or war hero… next to the automotive high school) The ride gets going at 5:30… Where to? Why Coney Island of course!

Later on, catch Two Tears at Fontana’s in Chinatown. They’re probably on by 10 so get there early. Sounds like they might be out of town for a while, so this might be your last chance…

Not far away, Phast Phreddie the Boogaloo Omnibus, one the city’s finest fez-appointed DJs, will be throwing down a night of ROCK at Motor City Bar on Ludlow St. It’s a one-off kinda deal and the Boog has promised heaviosity including Blue Oyster Cult and the MC5. Righteous! (and free)

Also in the vicinity will be Josh Styles, guest DJing with Jonathan Toubin at Home Sweet Home. $3 cover.

Stickin’ with Manhattan, we think Linda Rizzo is uptown at Ding Dong Lounge again, although not 100% on it. If she is, it’s your island of fun in a sea of boredom.

Over in Brooklyn, you can catch another great DJ night at K&M bar, namely the Fortress of Solidtunes with DJs Otto Bahn and Miss January 1963. FREE

Oh yeah! and there’s another good one– Rebel Night returns to the Warsaw in Greenpoint, this month with Jumpy installed as guest DJ. It’s all some sort of convoluted tribute to Floyd Dakil’s Dance Franny Dance. FREE

And, if live music is your thing tonight, head over to Don Pedro for Nick Gazin’s Midnite Till Death, this month headlined by Love-Struck with a few other bands that aren’t on our radar yet. Sure to be a rager!

This just in– Monster Island basement party in Williamsburg tonight with Golden Triangle, Fresh and Onlys. Todd P. $8. all ages.

SATURDAY:

More early action… Metropolis Vintage on 3rd Avenue strikes again. This time it’s the Babyshakes’ Judy & Mary DJing plus the live sounds of Girls at Dawn. Party ends at 7 or so, so shake on down early-like. FREE

If you find yourself slinking away from Metropolis around 7, head over to Bowery Poetry Club for the Tri-State Conspiracy! It happens to start early and you can continue your girly fix by catching the Nouvellas who are on first. Plus you have the excellent Phast Phreddie spinning in between the bands. $10 might sound hefty but it’s the price of ‘Manhattan or Die’ baby!

Later on, two national acts have slurped up local garagepunkers for their large venue shows. Southern Culture on the Skids have stolen the Swingin’ Neckbreakers away from a quiet evening at home in rural New Jersey and put them in front of an audience at Maxwell’s in Hoboken– hilarity will doubtless ensue. At Bowery, Jesse Malin has the Stalkers opening his big to-do. The latter is a whopping $20, but we’re guessing you can get into Maxwell’s for $15 or less.

Also happening is a show at Cake Shop (don’t see too many of these listed here anymore, do ya?) — it’s the Fresh and Onlys plus the Girls at Dawn and Liquor Store. Take it from me– drink the cheap beer on offer. You can’t count on the strength of the liquor drinks. $?

Over in Brooklyn, you’ve got your pick of the litter. There’s a popular do at Glasslands called Soul Clap (perhaps you’ve heard of it?) — beginning at midnight, you’ll have the chance to win $100 in a dance contest, hosted and DJed by Jonathan Toubin. $5 cover (we think).

Also happening is ‘Monster’s Requiem’ a house party show at the increasingly legendary CHURCH loft (Captained by Heartlock of course) featuring Olaf and the Siberians, Twin Guns, the Electric Mess and the Rats. Can’t go wrong there! $5 cover and BYOB. Jackpot!

As long as you’re in the neighborhood, slide on over to Beauty Bar on Broadway. There you’ll find me guest DJing a new monthly night called Mods Love Rockers. Regular DJ Mike Mortician will also be throwing down and the whole dingy is hosted by ‘Pixie 007′ better known as the lovely Tara. I plan to bring the dancinest doowop you’ve never heard, my best rockabilly (all scored south of the Mason Dixon) plus a smattering of Big Beat circa ’64-’65. Dancing shoes required, otherwise come naked for all I care. FREE

And, late late late, it’s the return of The Shank, a syndicated talk show about a warehouse party hosted by Louie Gallucci and DJed by Jonathan Toubin and Erick Hughes. This time it’s on Grand St near the Grand L and is $5 from midnight til… 9 am?

See you Saturday!

SHIMMY